To do: Live

Having ups and downs in life is normal, but in extreme cases depression may come and eat you up. I always remind myself that there are a lot of things that I should be grateful for, and that I should stop hating some aspects of my life because people around me have worse problems than I.

A lot has happened since January and I am doing my best to get a grip of my life. I have always thought that blogging religiously is something that I can do but I have to be realistic about that too. I may not be able to it (seeing my track record).

I have a lot of posts in this blog that are not relevant and I am thinking of removing them (but not today — unless I feel up to the challenge) from this site. I am planning to do something to help myself get over this hump that I am experiencing.

Which brings me to my to do list (I love to do lists!)

1. Write a relevant About Me page
See I feel that I have one now is not so “me” anymore. Whatever that means, so I would have to edit it out or just simply rewrite the whole thing.

2. Blog Spring Cleaning
I would have to delete the posts I feel Bleh~ about.

3. Make a calendar and stick to it
I am the major procrastinator! I make a calendar and I hope to god that I am able to it. For the past few days I have just been, in bed. (Sometimes it happens to me) I am scared to leave my bed. I am afraid of what others will say about me (but I make things worse by doing nothing about it). So I am seeking other peoples help to make me get out of bed and do what I need to do to live my life as a “normal” person.

4. Help myself
People think that if you post smiley faces and updates to your social media feeds everything is alright, I try to go out as often as I can and make it seem that everything is okay, but my life is not okay. I am in so much trouble that it is hard for me to move. I have stopped crying a long time ago because I don’t want to feel weak, but I am. I have to start helping myself because bumming around fearing things and feeling sorry for myself does not help! I have to take the first step outside the door and pray that I won’t fall back to the pit. I have been in this situation a couple of times, I am able to bounce back but not completely. I hate being scared, I hate myself for being weak. I have to be stronger, live my life and stop regretting things because doing nothing makes things worse. Life was not meant to be easy, but it will be in time, I just need to get back on the groove.

5. Be creative
Being a hoarder that I am, I have collected a lot of knick-knacks from my trips locally and internationally. I have 2 mediums; one is my accessories business which is thriving and two I plan to start (art) journaling. I will put in the stuff I have collected all these years, I have stickers and pamphlets from way back 2010 on my first trip abroad. I would like to be able to complete my travel journals, make a relationship journal and a personal one. I will fight this depression by channeling my creativity, I will put the time I am wasting to good use.

6. Start studying
I am just a few cartwheels away from graduation. I need to complete 3 subjects and finish my thesis which will be a real challenge. I can do this! I just need not wallow and I will be fine.


Love, Yann


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