To A New Self

I looked in the mirror and I did not like what was there.

I saw a sad, fat and old me.

I did this to my self. I ate my way through my depression, and I hate myself more because of it.

It is an endless and vicious cycle, when you are not able to tell anyone what makes you sad, when you fell like no one understands you.

I fell in the pit, and as my brother would say, you let go of yourself.

When I look in the mirror I would see him there, standing beside me, saying those words over and over again, mocking me.

So i stopped looking, and I grew bigger. Some people would say, you’re not fat, but deep inside, I know I am.

I’ll be celebrating my birthday in a couple of weeks, and I want to be able to look in the mirror again and say that I am pretty, I never take my pictures now, because its just like looking in the mirror, seeing my ugly self. I hate being reminded that I’m growing uglier by the minute. No one knows how sad I am inside, how broken. And people are angry with me because I don’t want to show my face to them.

I want to be able to set things straight though. I didn’t want people to see that I’m weak, or that I need help. But I do. Deep inside I know I do.

So if hurt you or if I have not been the best of friend to you, I am sorry. It is a time of weakness, and I am not very good in expressing things verbally.

It is time to change, I will pick myself up. I will do my best to be better. And when I’m whole again, I will let you know.

Love, Yann

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3 thoughts on “To A New Self

  1. Admitting there are things within us we can start to change is a sign of strength not weakness. It can often feel weak and in truth it is the opposite. You have had the courage to see yourself and i think it is very beautiful. Thank you for sharing, Laura x

      1. I find it beautiful because you are closer to healing than pretending none of it is there like most of us do. I find different things beautiful nowadays. over the years we push everything down and put a mask over the top, when we let our true feelings out it often shocks people but i prefer the real person and like encouraging people to get real and not be afraid of it, because that is where we heal and change and become more beautiful. Thanks for your post again 🙂 x

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