Sometimes in your life you suddenly realize that you are no longer happy. You ask yourself, what have I been doing for the past years, how did I end up like this?
I was talking with my friend a few weeks ago, and she told me she found herself crying because she doesn’t know why she feels so incomplete, she has a kid, a strong romantic relationship, a 6 digit salary but she was no longer happy.
I feel the same way, but the difference between her and myself is that I don’t have a kid, and I know why I’m not happy.
At work there are only a handful of things that I am grateful for, a few friends, good memories, and a really good pay. But there are a ton of things that I don’t necessarily enjoy, people, policies and people.
I have gained a lot of weight in the past few years, because I tend to eat a lot when I am stressed or unhappy. As a proof, I had gained 27 lbs, though I lost 5lbs already (congaratulations!) I still am very upset with it.
I have lost the capability to laugh about small things, I have forgotten how to play, to enjoy myself with the company of others, you may see me laughing but at the back of my head I am thinking: bills, work, time, deadlines, weddings, reading list, work, work, school, classes, homework, work. Its a never ending cycle of waking up, going to work, going to school, then sleeping.
I want to get my life back on track, I want to feel genuine happiness, I want to be able to sleep at night without having to list 101 things that I need to accomplish the next day, I want to lose the extra lbs, and the only way to make these things possible is for me to take a big risk. I may be making one of the stupidest mistakes in my life, but at least I can say that I took the leap.
I am very afraid of what will happen to me if I risk everything, but I know that I would be able to make it through whatever challenges there will be up ahead. I have gone through hell and back, then hell again, I just have to pick up what is left of my sanity, gather all my strength, stand up and accomplish the things that I want to do.
It will be very difficult, but I have faith, everything will fall into place.