Under the Blade

I have not written for weeks because of my health. I have not been thinking straight and I was high on medication.

It all started one cold evening 3 weeks ago, I started experiencing abdominal pains and I asked my brother to come home from work to bring me to the hospital, the doctors said it was just a case of gastritis, and proper diet and medication will set me straight. I did all that but after one week, I was still in pain.

I decided to go the doctor by myself one Tuesday morning, I was feeling sick but not too sick. The doctor asked me to lie down and he checked my stomach by palpating parts of my body, when he pressed on the right portion of my tummy, there it started.

I felt weaker than when I came in a couple of hours ago, I was experiencing nausea because of what he told me, I might go under an operation the same if the CT scan will show that I was positive with appendicitis.

I checked myself in the hospital, it was my first time to do so, so I was really confused, it was as if I could not breathe and that I felt more pain than I did earlier in the day.

Then it came to me, when I was calling my dad, and my boyfriend as to where I was and what I was doing, I was in big trouble, and I realized the gravity of the situation.

  1. If I had not decided to go to work the previous night I would not have gone to the hospital.
  2. If the nurses at work decided not to send me home earlier from my shift I wouldn’t have hopped on the cab and went to the hospital, I would have hopped on the cab and head straight home.
  3. If I went straight home I would just curl up in bed and wish the pain to go away.
  4. I wouldn’t have called my brother nor my dad to come see me, since I live by myself and I did not want to bother anybody.
  5. They may have found  me in a much worse state after a week or a few days.
  6. I could have died.

Realizing all these things in a minutes time overwhelmed me, I was sitting all alone in a hospital admissions office, I knew no one, I was with no one, but I was courageous enough to walk and bring myself there, I had nothing except for myself, my pain and my tears.

I had to make myself strong and willed myself to go to hospital, see I hate hospitals, I am scared of it, I have never been operated on, nor confined, and my visits from the past had not been so good, I saw death, suffering and pain, and being there did not make me feel comfortable at all.

The kind gentleman, I presumed a nurse wheeled me to my room in the 7th floor. After a short while, my dad was there. They took my blood for tests, they sent me to a room where I had to lie down as they took pictures of my digestive system, they probed me to see what was inside my uterus, they checked every single thing that they can think of and in the end, I was weak and sick and yes, the bad news came, they had to operate on me.

My friends came, my dear and darling friends, Shai, my girlfriend Anya, my bestfriend couple Kharlo and Honey, my dad, my brother and Edward.

I was upset, I was scared, I did not know what they will do to me, I don’t know what will happen next, the doctors and nurses were amazed though of my high tolerance to pain, other people whom they have had that case on (even guys) were crying and writhing in pain. Not for me though. It felt as though I had a bad case of dysmenorrhea. I still joked about and talked to everyone that came in, but why was I so weak? I hated that I was, I wanted to be in control, but I wasn’t and this upset me even more.

They took me to surgery at 8pm. 12 hours after I first came to the hospital. My doctor told me that around 10pm they were done, and I was brought back to my room around 2am. The next few days were a blur and I am trying to remember them bit by bit. I am incomplete now, though they did say my appendix did not have any use, I have a big scar in my stomach to remind me of what had happened and what could have happened. It pains me to walk or stand or even laugh. Being prohibited to laugh is a crime, and this makes me really sad.

I have no clear recollection of what had happened that day or the day before, I just knew that there was pain and confusion and sadness. I am still recuperating now and my mind seems to be working just fine, and for now this is what I can share with you.


2 thoughts on “Under the Blade

    1. It was scary.. I’m glad its over. The only thing that bums me is that I can’t laugh.. LOL thanks for coming by!

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